tonyhabibi
posted on Nov 22, 2005 - 07:48 PM
this thread is deticated to all those who dont have the book .. I KISSED DATEING GOODBYE .
alot of the following quotes and passages are from the book its self ... made by joshua harris . so dont say im plagerizing . or anything .
be4 i write i just want to say ... i hope my recent expedition and adventure to explore the love of god in all ways isnt looked upon as me makeing my self look " spiritual and pure " and " HOLIER THEN THOU" becuase thats defienlty not the case i am a sinner ( a big one ) just like all the rest of you .. im in the same boat ... i mean seriously .. i havent confessed for 4 years ... so .. i only consider myself lucky to still be interested and appreciative to gods love 4 us ..
but again ... im not here to convince ... right ?
I recently have gotten in touch with Joshua Harris through his website and Blog . And he has given me some good advice concerning relationships and serveing God . I have actually ordered a sermon that he conducted surrounding pslam 73 . and 2 be honest i have never REALLY read pslam 73 until he told me to .. and it defienlty DID wonders ... it was the Spark of my new vision on Everything .
around ... hmmm september 9th i bought the book " I KISSED DATEING GOODBYE " .. by Josua Harris .
it changed my outlook on life and men and women and relationships and even GOD .
The Basic message of the book is this . Every relationship 4 a christian is an oppertunity 2 love one another as god has loved us . "
in the following i will share the points that josh has brought up in his book and how it relates to me .
# 1
" Kelly was my first serious girlfriend . everyone in our youth group recognized us as a couple . We celebrated our Anniversary everymonth * finding new ways 2 spend time 2gether and worrying about the current status of our relationship consumed my energy . Kelly knew me better than anyone . after her parents were asleep kelly and i would spend hours on the phone talking about everything and nothing in particular .. we thought god has made us 4 each other .. we talked about getting marrried someday . we began expressing our feelings physically . i promised her i would love her forever .
like many high school relationships , our romance was premature .. too much - too soon . and our struggle against sexual sin was a looseing battle ,,, though we never actually had sex ,,, we were dishonoring God . we were violateing each others purity and our spiritual lives were stagnant as a result . "
~ this paassage from the book can be related in many ways .... ask your self ..... does My life resemble the above situation ?
" in the recent past .. the starting point of my relationships was what i wanted instead of what god wanted . i loooked out for my needs aNd fit others 2 my agenda .. did i fiNd fullfillment ? no , i only found compromise and heartache ,,,, i not only hurt others ,, i hurt myself and sinned against god . .
. when im in a relationship .. i automatically expect exclusitivity . but i have learned that after reaading joSh's book . " we have no right to treat anyone as if he or she belongs to us .
me and this certain girl . were together and we both staked a claim on each other ... we stifled our individual growth .. and needlesly consumed energy that should have been directed into service and preperation for the future and god .
what is love ?
love is patient , love is kind , it does not boast , it is not proud .. it is not rude .. it is not self seeking ... it is not easily angered .. it keeps no records of wrongs . love does not delight in evil ... but rejoices with truth ... it always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perservers ... love never fails . ( corinthians )
if we claim 2 follow christ then wear the worlds twisted style of love we drag the name and charachter of our lord in the dirt .
lets not say we fall in love .. or fall out of love anymore .....
LOVE IS UNDER OUR CONTROL .
ITS TIME WE Let gods definition of love redefine the way we live our life .
like josh pointed out .. i would LOVE to be one day to the kind of friend to whom girls' future husbands could one day say .. " THANK YOU FOR WATCHING OVER MY WIFES HEART ... THANK YOU FOR GUARDING HER PURITY " ..
NOW SPEAKING FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE .. I HAVE A PARTICUALR MEMORY THAT CONTINUES TO HOUND ME .. A MEMORY THAT MAKES ME FEEL UNWORTHY OF GODS LOVE FOR FORGIVENESS .... I HAVE TURNED AWAY FROM IT LIKE JOSH SAID ... NEVER EVER REPLAYING THOSE MOMENTS IN MY HEAD ... MOVE ON !!!.. A LIFETIME OF DESIRED PURITY AWAITS US !
BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO ! ... THIS SOUNDS very very familiar .... WHEN I realized how hard it was ... .. first thing i did ... was open joshuas book and followed his instructions ..
# 1 .. end the relationship with finality . ... make sure there was no strings attached and no hints of reunitiing ever again .. . and i agreed to stop emailing her for good .. no more nice fowards or msgs ... i am steering clear for awhile .. maybe even longer .
# 2 .. NO BLAME SHIFITING .. becuase that only causes pain .. and miscomfort .. i have to admit throughout our realtionship .. i was a terrible example of a christian .. i was causeing us to both sin .. i asked her to forgive me .. and in my heart i was truly sorry .. so if she forgives me or not .. it doesnt matter becuase i knwo in due time god will . but her being the good hearted and very beautiful person that she is .. i know she will find it in her heart to forgive .
# 3 .listen to mom and dad ! .. my mom warned me of the signs .. but i always thought my mom was crazy and had no real experience to this sort of stufff since her marriage was too quick .. she got married at 16 and the parents kind of forced it ya know .. so i was liek .. " mama dont knwo nothing lol " .. but my mom knew ALOT .. and she is a very smart lady .. she TOLD me things that were gonna happen in the future .. and .. it came true .. ... so like joshua says ... " MAKE YOUR PARENTS YOUR TEAM MATES ..
THEY SAY every man grows up to marry his own mother ( not in a literal sense but in a spiritual sense and personality sense ) .. and if that is true .. then .... my wife will be something special .. becuase .. my mom to me is a saint in my eyez ..
# 4 ... check whose whispering in your ear ...
make sure you have a positive group of friends around u .... my 2 friends were both bad influences on me .. even though i both loved them very much .. .... i had to seperate myself from them in order for me not to have peer pressure when doing bad things .. i remeber one night where we went to new york .. and there sole purpose to go there was to have sex with a hooker .. and im not that type of person .. so i immediately left . .. if their is no emotional connection with the woman .. then their is no way im having sex with this woman .. and plus .. their has to be a ring on my finger that matches hers in order for us to have sex .. .. im looking for meaningful relaitonships ..and long term relaitonships . .. i was never the type of person to flirt in dirty ways and hit on girls and just be a " DOG " about everything . .. i have ultra respect for women.. spend 10 minutes with me and you will see it in my eyes . .. .
#5 . turning someone down when they want to date you ..or if they hit on you indirectly .. ..... i personally feel to just spare his feelings in a sweet polite way saying your taken .. or your not ready ... or even lie .. im sure god wont hold u accountable if u lie about something liek that ... i of course would consider it a white lie .
Being just friends is just plain confuseing .. even with the most angelic oppisite sex .. i still struggle to be just friends .. i always have a tendency to flirt indirectly
me and my " ex " .. were in the beginning .. PURE Best friends .. and their was no hint of us hooking up or anything .. it just a pure mutual plutonic relationship and we both felt empowered .. but .. then .. the thought of .. " gee i wonder what it woudl be like if we were together ? imagine excatsy x 10000 !
and for the first month or so .. it was .. but then .. it became clear .. we werent made for each other .. we were too diffrent .
yeah its true oppisites attract .. but .. this was a diffrent case .
# 6 ,,, when i was " WITH " her .. i would always deticate my undivided attention toward her .. which i dont regret .. she was , and is a wonderful person who deserves the best . but i was neglecting my friends also .. i would cancel projects and " chill days " with the fellaz and my peoples and my church buddies .. i was too preoccupied with deticateing my time to HER and her only .... but i cant complain .. at the time .. lets say i was in love and i LOVED that feeling . but we need to preserve SAME sex friendships ... it will help in the future when u get married .. u dont want to be married and have alot of friends that are girls ... u know .. and for the women its vise versa ... u dont want to have alot of guys who are JUST friends .. when u are married .. your man will feel insecure and sometimes even jjealous . ... can anyone deny this ?
************ '
josh also says .... " AS SOON AS WE GET TO KNOW THAT PERSONS true idenity and discover that our perfect man or woman is HUMAN like everyone else .. our dreams fade and move on to a new crush . <<<< very true ... but not nessciarily with me .. i dont consider anyone perfect .. we all make mistakes .. im number one on the mistake maker list ... no matter how many mistakes my queen makes .. ill ALWAYS forgive her ... as long as i love her still .. then there is no reason not to forgive her .. all you need is love .. but my recent situation was diffrent .however i wont elaborate .
SO when u enter a new relationship ..
say this prayer " LORD .. HELP ME 2 APPRECIATE THIS PERSON WITHOUT ELEVATING HIM OR HER ABOVE YOU IN MY HEART .. HELP ME 2 REMEBER THAT NO HUMAN CAN EVER TAKE YOUR PLACE IN MY LIFE .. YOU ARE MY STRENGTH .. MY HOPE .. MY JOY ... MY ULTIMATE REWARD .. BRING ME BACK TO REALITY GOD .. GIVE ME AN UNDIVIDED HEART . (( PSALM 86:11 )) <<
here is a PORTION OF THE poem in the book
Do you know you have asked 4 the costliest thing
ever made by the HAND ABOVE ?
A WOMAN'S HEART , and a womans life --
and a womans WONDERFUL LOVE .
=================
a persons relationship 2 god is the defineing relationship in his or her life ... when the relationship is out of order ...... every other relationship will suffer .
me in my personal life .. BEAUTY DOES NOT MATTER ! .... ITS PREFFERED OF COURSE .( can anyone deny they dont prefer someone with good looks and consider it a plus ?) . BUT IT DOESNT MATTER .. i look for the heart .. and for the personality ..
if ur ever stuck between the battle between 2 people .. and on one had .. u have beauty .. on the other hand u have heart and personality .... and ur still decideing .. just picture the " beauty " at age 65 .. ... beauty wont matter much .. would it ? . ...
picture me at age 65 .... YIKES ! THATS A SCARY THOUGHT . ...
===================
here are the steps to marriage ...
Casual friendship ...
Deeper friendship ...
courtship : purposeful intimacy and integrity .
Engagement ..
marriage .
=======================
here is the final quote in the book ..
" But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immortality . " (( ephesians 5:3 , niv ))
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BECause of jesus' sacrafice for me , i know that god has forgiven me 4 the sins ive commited against him and against the girlfriends ive had , i dont have to live overwhelmed by regret or fear of the future becuase we serve A god who makes all things New . " < josh harris page 23 ( just incase u pick the book up )
"intimiacy without commitment is like Icing WITHOUT cake .. can be sweet but ends up makeing us sick " ( page 32 )
" the best relationships are between 2 people who care more about each other's good rather than their own momentary pleasure "
"
" God has made each of us with a desire for intimacy , and he intends to fullfill it , while were single he doesnt expect these desires to dissapear , but i beleive he asks us to have the patience to wait and in the mean time see close relationships with family , and deep non romantic relationships with brothers and sisters in christ "
" intimacy is the reward of commitment "
" the reason i stopped dateing is not becuz i dont want to get married , NOt becuase i dont enjoy romance , BUT becuz i realized that i need to wait on romance until i can match my persuit of intimacy with a persuit of commitment "
" FOCUSING ON THE PHYSICAL IS plainly sinful , GOD DEMANDS SEXUAL PURITY ... AND HE DOES THIS BECUASE HE IS HOLY .. HE ALSO DOES IT FOR OUR OWN GooD , physical involvement can distort 2 peoples persepective of eachother and lead to unwise choices , he doesnt want us to live with guilt or regret "
"do you beleive that god knows best ? then place your lifes calendar at his feet and allow him to handle the scheduling of your relationships . we couldent lay our futures in better hands .. all we have to do is trust "
" we need to serve god and keep our attention on HIM more then Our selves , God is Rightfully jealous for our hearts , after all he created us ... and redeemed us .. he wants to focus our thoughts , longings , and desires on him ... he lovingly blesses us with human relationships , but he first calls us to find our hearts Delight in Him " [/b]
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( insert Cool Signature here , think original )
I Like That .
) I hope everyone realizes that God has a plan for us.. just because we can't c that plan doesnt deny its existance.. he always reveals it to us is due time and only then r we grateful for it.. what Im tryin to say is.. it IS hard to not get involved in relationships, but with God patience is best... because he really knows what he is doing. I realized that leaving EVERYTHING in God's hands is the only way to feel peaceful and happy.. So to all try, with me, to commit ur life into ur hands.. he will guide us all to green pasture.. well.. I hope I didnt go WAY off topic.. GB all and PLZ p4m.. I definetly need it..
