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tonyhabibi

posted on Mar 31, 2008 - 01:45 AM

these this girl who has been recently going to our church with her little brother , she is about 16 , and he is about 10 , now they live far away , about 15 miles away , but with the traffic lights its a 30 minute drive to and from church . all of a sudden she starts to ask me to give her a ride home EVERY TIME . and i have to find a way to try and get out of giving her a ride home because its far for me ,and its really out of my way . and i wanna be nice , but its far for me , and anyone who knows bayonne nj knows the parking is horrible . especially at night . and there are many people who say tome " KHOD BARAKA " , and take her home , but why has she chosen me to take that long drive to her house . like im not mean enough to where as for example we are ina situation and im the only person who can give her a ride home and she has no other person , then fine ill do it , but i dont wanna be her cheuferr . the other day she had no ride to the spirtual day at our church , and i told her i got work so i cant drive to her house and take her , she actually told me to take off of work and drive her im like ,,,,,

and there are other elements , she calls her parent telling them not to come pick her up from church because she depends on servants in our church to drive her home , which sucks cuz she lives far away . gas is expensive etc.....

and plus my car is insured under my mons name , i dont want responsibility over her if i god forbid get in an accident .

also , she and her bro are too immature for me , and like i just cant go in public with them and be comfortable, the other day , while i was filling up gas to take her HOMe .... she was making fun of the indian guy pumping my gas OUTLOUDLY , TO THE POINT WHERE HE CAN HEAR IT .... and when i take her and some people to a taco belll , they make big scenes and mess withother fellow customers , im like ugh .... because im so far away fromgod and i need to be around people who can bring me closer to god . i need mature people , spiritually .

ADVICE . ???

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tonyhabibi

posted on Mar 31, 2008 - 01:49 AM

SHOULD I JUST SUCK IT UP AND TAKE HER HOME ? BUT ILL BE DOING IT WITH A GRUDGE , AND NOT WILLINGLY , I HAVE COMPLAINED ABOUT IT TO SOME PEOPLE IN MY CHURCH, AND ALSO , I KNOW BY ME COMPLAINING IM LOSING ANY BLESSING I COULD HAVE GAINED FROM TAKEING HER HOME !

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Overgrownegyptian

posted on Mar 31, 2008 - 02:08 AM

From tonyhabibi:and plus my car is insured under my mons name , i dont want responsibility over her if i god forbid get in an accident .

First of all, I WISH I had your 'problem' and I was in your position. You seriously don't understand exactly how much blessings you get by driving others to church. Another thing you need to look at is this: if you refuse to drive her to church when there is no ride for her then on judgment day the Lord will ask you why you kept his children from him. I am not saying you must always be the one to drive, there are other servants at your church, I'm guessing, so maybe you all can alternate because of gas prices but do this service with love and God will bless you. As far as an accident happening, God will not forget you in doing this service so this shouldn't even be a worry for you. Plus, when she tells you to take off work to pick her up don't get aggravated..turn it into a funny situation. Joke with her. Tell her ok but only if you pay for the time I'm taking off and laugh. When you serve God's children He will reward you more than you could ever want or imagine.

There is a reason God wanted you driving this girl and her brother home. Maybe it is to teach you patience, longsuffering. Every second you spend in service God rewards you. When you grumble and complain, you then have just lost ALL blessings of this service.

Pray to God to give you patience in this service and speak to your other servants in the church to work out a schedule where you aren't always having to drive. God bless you.

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May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, pleasing to you.

"O God, my God, I will rise up early unto You; for my soul has thirsted for You: to make my flesh blossom for You, in a barren land and a trackless and dry place." (Psalm 62:1)

"My son, give me your heart, And let your eyes observe my ways." (Proverbs 23:26)

"Every meeting with Christ is a prayer of renewal. Every prayer is an experience of faith. Every experience of faith is eternal life." Abouna Matta El-Meskeen

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tonyhabibi

posted on Mar 31, 2008 - 02:22 AM

ur completely right. I knew it was a blessing , but i just wanted it under my conditions i guess.

pray for me .

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jydeacon

posted on Mar 31, 2008 - 02:28 AM

I agree with Overgrownegyptian, that was a great post by the way, try to take this as a service to God and that you will be rewarded in the end. As far as them not being mature, what would you expect from a 16 year old girl(possibly much better i understand, but again you don't know the circumstances) and a 10 year old boy. They are kids, you could try to be an example to them and actually try to correct what they are doing as a friend to them, so if you saw them making fun of an indian then you should have told them that wasn't nice, and possibly have made fun of them in a way just to teach them a lesson and explain to them why you did that and hope that they learn. I would say stick out, only if you will not complain because again as you said and as Overgrownegyptian said it will be to no benefit if you do that, Try to see if you can switch off with other servants to take her home and if not, try to talk to her parents and make arangements if possible that they can bring her half way or something and you pick her up from a spot you and the parents agreed upon(this could turn to be problematic, but just another suggestion i thought of) Hope this helped a little

God Bless and Pray for me and my weakness

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Overgrownegyptian

posted on Mar 31, 2008 - 03:01 AM

From tonyhabibi:ur completely right. I knew it was a blessing , but i just wanted it under my conditions i guess.

pray for me .

Sometimes we wish to serve others but in a way that is comfortable or convenient for us. Unfortunately, this isn't service. Serving others should not be at our comfort or our conditions.

I'll take Fr. Bishoy Kamel as an example. He was well known for his service to others to the point that he told Tasoni one time, when she came back upset because she was serving others and they cursed her, he told her, "What are you?" She replied, "A servant" So he told her, "then why are you upset? the servant will be cursed at, spit upon and you must receive it with love for the Lord did the same."

The point I'm trying to make is that in service we shouldn't want to serve but with these certain conditions in order to serve, then unfortunately that is not longer service but waste of time that seems like a burden or obligation and you torture yourself that way. I know it's hard but that's the role of the servant.

Another thing to look at is this: when you put conditions or terms to your service to have things your way you do it to ease your life, to make the service as easy as possible for you. If you do not suffer in your service, if you do not put hard work into your service, or effort into your service then what you are ultimately doing is turning this service for the Glory of God to the glory of you. I say that because all the hard work and love you put into any service is for the Glory of God but with no hard work then the service becomes glory for you. Furthermore, when you put hard work and suffer in your service God will make it fruitful. Definetly with all the hard work and effort you put into this service this little girl will be changed and will perhaps no longer make fun of others or cause problems.

Imagine God giving you a piece of land and He says to you, "I want to make this piece of land into a beautiful garden. Can you help me?" But the land he gave you was full of weeds and garbage. If you work the land, clear the land of the garbage and the weeds and break the dirt to become soft God will come to you and see all the hard work, reward you for your hard work, and will plant the seeds to make the land into a beautiful garden. Your service is the same. Put the hard work into it according to God's plan

In all things we do we should do for the Glory of His name, not for our name.

Tell yourself next time you want to give up or stop your service, "Do I really want to stop serving? If I stop serving I lose out, I throw away all the blessings I've earned in heaven. Do I really want to throw all those blessings away?" Anyone in their right mind would never do such a thing.

Hope this helps, God bless you. Pray for me and my weaknesses.

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May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, pleasing to you.

"O God, my God, I will rise up early unto You; for my soul has thirsted for You: to make my flesh blossom for You, in a barren land and a trackless and dry place." (Psalm 62:1)

"My son, give me your heart, And let your eyes observe my ways." (Proverbs 23:26)

"Every meeting with Christ is a prayer of renewal. Every prayer is an experience of faith. Every experience of faith is eternal life." Abouna Matta El-Meskeen

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Katherine

posted on Apr 01, 2008 - 01:30 AM

Hey Tony,

As somebody who lives about 15 minutes drive away from my church (which compared to most everybody else, who lives about a 5 minute radius away from the church that's fairly far), and without a license, and with parents who are employed/have their own lives to attend to, and can't be my personal chauffeur, I understand this girl's situation. I can assure you, if she is like me, she doesn't feel good about mooching rides off of you. I personally feel horrible having to constantly ask people (most of which are on this forum) to drive me home, whenever somebody from my family can't come to pick me up. Especially since I'm quite out of the way for most of them.

However, if she is intentionally seeking rides from you, when her parents are fully capable of driving her and simply don't want to, then I don't think that's fair. Sure, in a sense it is "service" for you, but it really is more of an inconvenience, considering she doesn't really need the service. Her parents are her parents, not you, and thus it is their responsibility to take care of her transportation needs. Also, from my understanding you are not somebody overflowing with time and gas money.

So, what should you do? Talk to her. She's 16, that's old enough that you can address her like a young adult. Tell her that you don't mind giving her a ride when she really needs it, but she can't be reliant on you as a personal chauffeur. Tell her that you will give her a ride when she has no other alternatives, but she should really discuss with her parents about establishing some kind of system where they can drive her more often, or she should at least carpool with somebody who lives closer to her. Taking public transit is also an option. I usually do that during times in Holy Week when my parents have work, but I want to get to Pascha a little earlier.

Hope I'm helpful

God bless =)

Katherine

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the_youngest

posted on Apr 01, 2008 - 04:09 AM

hey tony

i think 'Overgrownegyptian' told you everything you need to know to continue in your service but i just wanted to remind you of a story that you probably already know. it is the story of Anba Bishoy.

i got the following from a website that has his story
the url is http://stbishoy.org.au/modules/patronsa ... ystory.php

"The monks knew about the Lord's appearances to Abba Bishoy. One day, they asked him to plead to the Lord on their behalf, so that He might bless them with such an appearance. When Abba Bishoy saw their eagerness, he mentioned to the Lord their desire, and pleaded for them saying that such an appearance would increase their enthusiasm and encourage them in their spiritual life. The Lord Jesus Christ promised to appear to them on the mountain on a certain day at a certain time.

On the appointed day, early in the morning, all the monks raced to reach the mountain as early as possible. It happened that Abba Bishoy, being a fairly old man, was walking at the end of the group of monks. He waw an old bony man who looked to weak to walk. Abba Bishoy stopped and asked him where he wanted to go. When he learned that he wanted to go to the same mountain he had pity on him, and offered to carry him. The old man refused at first, but agreed when Abba Bishoy insisted.

At the beginning of the climb, Abba Bishoy did not feel any weight, but gradually he felt that the old man was getting heavier and heavier until he could not continue. At that moment, the saint realized that he was carrying the Lord Himself. He said, "My Lord, heaven is too small for You and earth rembles at Your glory. How can a sinner like me carry you?" The Lord replied, "Because you carried Me, my beloved Bishoy, your body will never decay."

Abba Bishoy continued his journey to the mountain where he saw all the monks waiting with eagerness to see the Lord. Their disappointment came when Abba Bishoy told them that the Lord had already appeared, and that they had all seen Him, but having closed their hearts they did not recognize Him. "

so Tony try to keep your heart open and recognize the Lord and remember that the service will keep getting heavier and heavier but you must keep at it and the Lord will bless you in the end just like he blessed Anba Bishoy and told him that his body will not decay

hope this helped and pray for my weakness

Joined: Mar 14, 2008 | Posts: 9

tonyhabibi

posted on Apr 01, 2008 - 09:48 AM

Kathrine , u make several points that i liked , i am definelty not overflowing with gas money , lol
Abouna anthony Messeh spoke on topics relaTED to my issue awhile ago with a series of sermons called BOUNDARIES . .... i suggest people listen to them .

He said " we as christians have a responsibility to others , but not for others . "

The youngest made a great point by sharing the abba bishoy story , it reallly helped , see my only problem was that id drive her home , but only when it was convienent for me. ( which is wrong ) but i huess everytime she asks me to drive her home , the right thing will be to say yes .

now im worried about this .... ive complained about it so much , that now that i have agreed that i will take her home when she asks me i will lose any blessing i might have gained due to my previous complaining ..... so i dont wanna do things in vain .

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Truth.Seeker

posted on Apr 01, 2008 - 01:44 PM

This is not service, this is a waste of time. A ride once in a while is fine, but this is out of control. Since you're going to lose the blessing either way, you might as well stop giving them rides - cut your losses.

Joined: Feb 25, 2008 | Posts: 248

lowlyman

posted on Apr 01, 2008 - 02:09 PM

OR Repent for complaining and keep your blessings.
Matthew 5:41:' And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him two."

either way, whatever you do, mke sure it is done with love.




From Truth.Seeker:This is not service, this is a waste of time. A ride once in a while is fine, but this is out of control. Since you're going to lose the blessing either way, you might as well stop giving them rides - cut your losses.

Joined: Apr 04, 2006 | Posts: 211

Truth.Seeker

posted on Apr 01, 2008 - 02:34 PM

Yes, that's another approach. What if two people ask you to go with them a mile at the same time and they're going in opposite directions? Then you have to make a judgment call. That's what I'm getting at - Tony can use his time doing something else more valuable since it seems that plenty of people can give these two a ride.

That's what makes this a clear issue for me - the abundance of ride-givers. If Tony was the only one, my response would be, "Suck it up."

Joined: Feb 25, 2008 | Posts: 248

AMoussa01

posted on Apr 01, 2008 - 09:53 PM

There are a few things to consider:

First, do not let anyone take advantage of you. Just because you can give her a ride doesnt mean that you must jump at each oppurtunity to do it-that would be very foolish. Once in a while is fine however. But like lowlyman said, when you do give her a ride, do it out of love...otherwise it WILL be in vain. If her parents or anyone else is available than you are not obligated to do so.

Second, remember that any good deed does not go unoticed so do not try avoiding her just because you "dont feel like it." It is a blessing and, in your case, somewhate of a cross to carry. Just remember that when you serve her you are serving Christ.

GB
Tony

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lowlyman

posted on Apr 02, 2008 - 02:43 PM

Tony,

Is it possible that she has ulterior motives for asking you to give her rides when her parents are home?

Dude, maybe she likes you!

From AMoussa01:There are a few things to consider:

First, do not let anyone take advantage of you. Just because you can give her a ride doesnt mean that you must jump at each oppurtunity to do it-that would be very foolish. Once in a while is fine however. But like lowlyman said, when you do give her a ride, do it out of love...otherwise it WILL be in vain. If her parents or anyone else is available than you are not obligated to do so.

Second, remember that any good deed does not go unoticed so do not try avoiding her just because you "dont feel like it." It is a blessing and, in your case, somewhate of a cross to carry. Just remember that when you serve her you are serving Christ.

GB
Tony

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tonyhabibi

posted on Apr 02, 2008 - 06:56 PM

no man shes 16 , and i know she doesnt see me that way , and i will not see her that way neither , she simply wants a ride to get home man , and my struggle is this :

I dont want to serve my peers in the congregation with bitterness.

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