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There is no single, set way of dealing with a child that is abusing drugs, but measures certainly can be taken to try and prevent a child from ever turning to these substances. Strong parenting strategies can lead to instilling a proper, Christian mindset in children, such that they never feel a need to resort to substances of abuse, and make good, informed decisions.

I. Know Your Children

Many parents are surprised by their children – whether it is because they have discovered a hidden talent, or because they discovered that their child committed a deed they never would have expected – these can be positive or negative. The fact of the matter is that if a parent knows the child well, there is less likelihood for dramatic surprises – and when these dramatic surprises do occur, parents will be more effective in finding out the reason for this behaviour if they know their children well. Furthermore, if a parent knows the child well, it will provide a firm ground for friendly, non-confrontational communication, such that the child and parents do not feel uncomfortable discussing matters together.

A great problem, however, is that many parents think that they know their children, when in fact, they know them very little. Some American statistics suggested that parents were spending less than one minute of each day sitting and talking with their children. With only six hours of communication each year, no parent could suggest they really know their children. Some questions that give an indication of the scope of how well one knows their child are the following:

Who is your child’s best friend? Who is your child’s greatest hero? What embarrasses your child the most? What is your child’s greatest fear? What is your child’s favourite type of music? What person, outside the family, has most influenced your child’s life? What is your child’s favourite subject at school? What does your child complain about with your family? What is your child’s favourite television show? Sport? Teacher?

These and many more questions may give a parent an idea of how well, or poorly, he knows his child. Everything, including the small trivial things, may be very important to your child. Knowledge also of your child’s whereabouts, his salary, and how he spends his free time, is also important in understanding what kind of behaviours your child could be engaging in.

Knowing your child well sets up a strong family relationship. This relation then allows for strong, positive communication, so that the child will be more willing to accept advice and discipline from the parent. Good communication and understanding your child will also make the home environment peaceful enough, that the child may not desire to seek out inappropriate behaviour and/or habits. Knowing your child requires time and effort on your part, is something parents should be doing from the child’s infancy onwards. Beginning this line of communication during the adolescent years is not impossible, but is certainly difficult.

II. Understand Why Kids Take Drugs

If a parent understands why a child might abuse drugs, then the parent can try and take measures that will eliminate that need for the child. Not all of the reasons can be remedied by the parent, but as stressed earlier, effective family relationships from early child may prevent the child from ever resorting to any of the “reasons” for taking drugs that will be described here.

Biological Predisposition

Some children are born with a higher disposition toward a specific drug. It is worth noting, however, that the child does not know this – as it becomes apparent only after the child experiments with the drug.

Peer Pressure

This is possibly the strongest reason for substance abuse among adolescents. Youth desire acceptance and friendship; they desire to fit in. If a child’s circle of friends is abusing drugs, it is more than likely that your child will also abuse the same substances. A child will not perceive another friend’s invitation to abuse as a threat. The child may even perceive this invitation as a gesture of kindness – a friend inviting another friend to engage in activities they see as harmless or fun.

Parental Attitudes

How parents behave has a very strong influence on how children behave. If a parent regularly drinks alcohol, it is natural that the child will do the same. If a parent is using mood-altering drugs (e.g. anti-depressants), the child may then justify their own use of drugs as being for the same reason. If a parent provides alcohol to children, whether for fun or for parties, it is not unlikely that the child will also drink on his own. The earlier children start using these substances, the more likely that they will become addicted or heavy abusers.


If parents work long hours or night shifts, it may mean that they are spending less time with their children, and the relationship that exists may not be strong.

Cultural Factors

Frequent changes in environment (moving often, for example) can cause uncertainty in children; this uncertainty may cause youth to seek out comfort – even in drugs.

A more significant factor to our youth, however, is that of cultural differences in values. Conflicting messages in values, norms, and standards that existed in native countries versus those of Canada can create a real pressure on the child, and more confusion. These are personal de-motivators that can hurt the child enough that he seeks solace in drugs. The same can be said of religious values – as religion teaches behaviours different from what actually occur.

The media is a cultural factor not free from blame. The shortcomings of society are often exalted in songs, television shows, and films. The internet makes access to and information about harmful substances much easier.

Life Crisis

Major traumatic events hurt children even as they hurt adults. Anything from separation, divorce, constant fighting in the household to the death of a loved one can have a sever impact on a child. It is important that parents recognize that children are affected by trauma, so that they think not only of their own emotions, but those of the children as well.

Depression

There has been a notable increase in incidences of child depression over the last few years. Some depression is normal among all youth, but real diagnosable depression or anger often makes a child at greater risk of drug abuse. Material is available for determining whether a child might be depressed, and considerable attention must be given to the child if this dramatic behaviour is occurring.

Parenting Style

While it is important to be friends with your children and to maintain levels of trust, it is also important that children be supervised and recognize the authority of their elders. A parent should not be overly strict and over-discipline, nor should the parent be overly permissive. Parents should be ready and willing to devote the time needed for maintaining such a fine balance for each of their children, in order to develop the loving family relationship needed for survival. Parents should never think their children are free from such dangers, or that they will definitely say ‘no’.

Fun and Available

Some children might take drugs because they are perceived as enjoyable, not just an escape. If a drug is fun, easily attainable, and inexpensive, it is not unlikely that a child will try it.

III. Educate Your Children on Making Good Choices

If your child knows how to make good choices from a young age, the child is more likely to be able to resist the pressures or reasons that lead him/her to drugs. There is a natural path to teaching children this, and this will help them not only against drugs, but in life skills in general.

First, it is important that the concept of boundaries be present in the child’s life from an early age. Boundaries define who a person is, what fits within the scope of who that person is and who that person is not. For example, it is not me to shoplift; that is not something that I do. Naturally, within our religious context, all of these boundaries are set for us, but these have to be instilled in young children if we expect them to learn. If a child has boundaries, he is being taught how to take responsibility for his actions, choices, thoughts, feelings etc…

Next, it is vital that a child be encouraged to take this responsibility. Responsible behaviour must be encouraged, and irresponsible behaviour should be discouraged. A child’s responsible behaviour should in some way be rewarded, so that the child understands that good behaviour has good outcomes. Conversely, if a child is irresponsible, it must be understood that irresponsible behaviour has negative consequences.

In this teaching process, it is vital that a child be taught to have a strong self-image. If children are already influenced by their peers and see themselves as inferior, it is not unlikely that they may find solace in substances that offer escape from themselves. Instilling in a child a strong self-image makes them feel confident in who they are, and feel less need for changing or escaping from themselves.

As the child is taught principles, parents should put in an effort to teach about the dangers of drugs, and the truth of what happens to a person who is on drugs.

At all times, effort must be put into developing strong social and communication skills in children. This must be done by example, and cannot be done from a distance. Parents need to spend quality time with children, to interact with them, to learn about them, to teach them, to listen to them – to love them. A child who obtains comfort, solace, and protection from the home, will be less likely to seek it elsewhere.

Children need to lean how to be accountable. They can be given responsibilities. Parents should not excuse children from irresponsible behaviour in the pretence of love. Loving your child includes teaching your child, and there is nothing to learn from false praise. If something is the child’s fault, it should be brought to the child’s attention with a balance of friendship and discipline.

Because your child is not in the house at all times, it is vital that parents play a role in who the child chooses as friends. A parent can do this by actively getting to know the child’s friends and their parents, and also by advising the child on what constitutes a real, good friend. If the child is mingling with a poor choice of people, it is important that parents intervene, especially from a young age, so that children come to choose good friends on their own.

IV. Pay Attention to the Relationship: Your Behaviour and Building Tools Behaviour

Parents may be surprised by how their own behaviour can have a very negative impact on their children. If a parent is using prescription drugs every time he feels distress or pain, a child might perceive such drug-taking habits as similar to substance abuse. If a parent has a regular daily alcoholic drink, or smokes regularly, the child learns from this behaviour. These examples are more extreme, however there are some behaviours that parents exhibit unintentionally, that can have serious consequences. If a parent laughs at drunken behaviour in a movie, if a parent allows a child to wear t-shirts or clothes that have drug/alcohol related slogans, if a parent allows music in the house that glamorises or trivialises substance abuse, or even if a parent generally breaks road rules…all of these will be behaviours that children will observe, mimic, and probably elaborate on.

Parents must also scrutinize their behaviour in terms of relationship dynamics. A parent must question whether or not they really listen to their children when they are speaking. Parents must be careful not to argue or be angry with their children for actions for which they really are not responsible. Parents must abide by their rules too. If a parent says he will return by a specific time, that parent should keep to that commitment, in order to encourage and exhibit responsible behaviour.

All of these were parental behaviours with respect to very physical acts – but parents also need to pay attention to their behaviours that are more emotional and long-term:

Committed Love

Children desire love, and they need to feel loved. If parents’ love is committed, their love is unconditional. A parent should love the child regardless of the child’s behaviour, regardless of how exasperating or problematic the child may be. If a child is in constant fear that he will receive less love for his behaviour, he may feel a need to rebel, or he may even choose to test the boundaries of the parent’s love by seeing how much mischief he can partake in while still receiving love. If you show them less love, they will try and seek it elsewhere, from other people. Love must be unconditional, and unwavering. This love will make them confident in both themselves and the parents; it can help them live content enough that they do not seek negative behaviour.

Discipline

Where possible, setting house rules should be a cooperative effort. A child will respect the rules more if he has had a role in making them, and will be more compliant to a punishment if he knows the consequence before committing the act. It is important to balance discipline with reward. If a parent punishes poor behaviour and gives no attention to positive behaviour, poor messages are instilled in the child, and the parent may kill the child’s desire to do what is good. In reality, a child will get reward for good performance; good marks accompany studying, salaries accompany work, success accompanies labour. A balance of reward and discipline is a strong motivator for children.

Control

As mentioned before, parents should make a true effort in maintaining a balanced level of control. A parent cannot be overly strict and controlling, nor can the parent be excessively lax. Youth in particular feel a desire for control, and if a parent and child continually argue over who should have control, youth will most likely rebel.

Control should be awarded to children when they exhibit responsible behaviour. Control can be limited when it is abused. This encourages children to learn independence under supervision, as the parent is still referred to and has the power to allocate control. Young people do need to feel as though they have control, but they also need to be protected from what control can do to them. A healthy balance is essential.

Conclusion

Preventing children from taking drugs is not a quick or single event; it is an ongoing commitment and relationship that needs to be evaluated at all times. This process involves truly knowing and loving children, and making an honest effort to maintain and build positive relationships with them. This will instil in them a sense of identity, and a promise of love. This relationship also will provide the basis for them to make positive decisions, in a way in which they consider the benefit of others not just themselves. Parents must set a positive example, and consider their own behaviours and how they may be hindrances to their own children. It is worth noting that fixing a child that abuses drugs is far more difficult than prevention. As Christians, it is an expectation that parents take the time and effort to show an unconditional love for their children, even as Christ has done so for us, His living family.